earth-crust-1 / careers / applicants

It's not AI. It's a rock.

Send it the tickets, emails and tasks you're never going to do. It accepts everything. It completes nothing. $15.

#OpenToWork

Rocco

Principal Paperweight

Beach · tide line

Available immediately. Available forever. Will not relocate on its own.

Experience
12,000 years, glacier drop-off site. Reason for leaving: glacier retired.
Skills
  • Not Reacting ★★★★★
  • Being Present ★★★★★
  • Synergy ★☆☆☆☆
  • Meetings ★☆☆☆☆
References
Moss. Has worked with the candidate for years. Declined to elaborate.
Salary expectation
Exposure. To weather.
#OpenToWork

Boulderson

Principal Paperweight

Forest · forest floor

Excited to not contribute to your mission.

Experience
300 years, a garden wall. Reason for leaving: renovation.
Skills
  • Weathering ★★★★★
  • Stillness ★★★★★
  • Moving ☆☆☆☆☆
  • Synergy ★☆☆☆☆
References
Former manager, also a rock. Did not respond.
Salary expectation
$0, plus a sunny spot.
#OpenToWork

Boulderson

Senior Backlog Custodian

Forest · forest floor

Available immediately. Available forever. Will not relocate on its own.

Experience
300 years, a garden wall. Reason for leaving: renovation.
Skills
  • Being Present ★★★★★
  • Showing Up ★★★★★
  • Stakeholder Management ★☆☆☆☆
  • Follow-up ★☆☆☆☆
References
A pigeon. Spoke highly, then left.
Salary expectation
$0, plus a sunny spot.
Request more candidatesEvery candidate costs $15. You see exactly who you get. No candidate has ever been hired for their output.